I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
