Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
