i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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