I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
