okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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