but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
