Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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