Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
