its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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