My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
