____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
