I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
