I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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