who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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