We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
