My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
