Screwed.edu
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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