whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Are we still banned from the library?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
