Will you blow on my dice?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
