she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
