YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
