Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
