I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
