If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
