o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
