I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
