i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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