3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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