our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Found the puke drawer
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
MIDGETS
????
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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