drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize