if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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