if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
