dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
