I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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