I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
