are you still at the devil's house?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
COCAINE IS GR8
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
