Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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