I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
