So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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