There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
