also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
