His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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