So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
