it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
