just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
