dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize