Ambien. No doubt about it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
