He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
