Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
