Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
