I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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