you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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