he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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