your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
