1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
