i don't like sucking hair
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
