somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
