I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
