Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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