i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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