RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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