The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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