She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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