It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I could fuck to npr.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
