I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
