So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Randomize
