Midget sex pt 2 tonight
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize