well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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