youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
My vagina just clenched in fear
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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