It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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