I'm pants shitting drunk right now
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
